The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He shit in the fireplace
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