from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
