Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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