Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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