My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
