Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
