There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
handjob tips. give me some.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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