i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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