Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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