the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
