i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
