He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
