I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
