Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
