dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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