My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
