And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
