I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
