I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
