This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
