Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
