If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
