i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
