I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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