You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
