have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
