You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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