About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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