she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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