Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
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