I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
