She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
