Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You are a genius and a whore.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
