Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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