I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
