Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Someone came in the potted fern
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
