I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
