If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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