Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the day after is always just damage control
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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