Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Randomize
