happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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