peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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