I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
