This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
