New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
