You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
