I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
