It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
