david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
