I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
