hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
