I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
